Red Flags on a First Date: 10 Signs You Should Run

When you're on a first date, it's easy to get swept up in the excitement, but you can't ignore the red flags that may signal trouble ahead. If you notice overly controlling behavior, constant negativity, or frequent mentions of exes, it's worth taking a step back. These signs might indicate deeper issues that can undermine a healthy relationship. But what about the more subtle red flags that often go unnoticed? Understanding these can make all the difference in your dating journey.

Overly Controlling Behavior

During a first date, it's crucial to pay attention to any signs of overly controlling behavior. If your date insists on making all the decisions, from where to eat to what to talk about, it might raise some red flags.

Notice if they dismiss your opinions or preferences—this could indicate a desire to dominate the relationship. Also, be wary if they seem overly concerned about your whereabouts or who you're with, as this can signal possessiveness.

Healthy intimacy thrives on mutual respect and compromise, so trust your instincts. If you feel uncomfortable or smothered, don't ignore those feelings.

You deserve a partner who values your individuality and encourages open communication, not one who tries to mold you into their ideal.

Excessive Negativity

Noticing excessive negativity on a first date can be a major red flag. When you're hoping to connect with someone, constant complaints and pessimism can overshadow any potential chemistry.

If your date often focuses on what's wrong in their life, it may indicate deeper issues. Watch for signs like:

• Criticizing service staff or others around you
• Dismissing your positive stories or experiences
• Complaining about everything from the weather to their job
• Focusing on past failures rather than future possibilities

You deserve a partner who uplifts you, not one who drags you down.

If their negativity feels overwhelming, it might be time to reconsider this budding relationship before it weighs you down emotionally.

Talking About Exes

Talking about exes on a first date can be a significant red flag. If your date frequently brings up past relationships, it might indicate they're still emotionally attached or haven't moved on.

You deserve someone who's excited to explore a new connection, not reminiscing about old flames. When the conversation shifts to ex-partners, pay attention to their tone. Are they bitter, angry, or overly nostalgic?

This could signal unresolved feelings, which can hinder your budding relationship. You want to feel cherished and valued in the present, not like a comparison to someone else's past.

Trust your instincts—if their ex keeps coming up, it might be time to reconsider if this is the right path for you.

Lack of Basic Etiquette

Exhibiting a lack of basic etiquette on a first date can be a major red flag. It often signals a deeper disregard for respect and connection.

Pay attention if you notice any of the following:

• Poor table manners: Eating loudly or talking with a mouth full of food can be off-putting.
• Inappropriate phone use: Constantly checking your phone can make you feel undervalued.
• Ignoring servers: Treating restaurant staff poorly shows a lack of compassion.
• Being late without apology: It reflects a lack of consideration for your time.

These behaviors can indicate an inability to foster intimacy and respect.

If you observe any of these signs, it might be wise to reconsider pursuing a deeper connection.

Disrespectful Comments

During a first date, disrespectful comments can quickly sour the mood and indicate deeper issues. You might notice your date making belittling remarks about others or dismissing your opinions.

These words can reveal a lack of empathy and respect, which are crucial for any intimate relationship. If they joke at the expense of others or make derogatory comments about gender, race, or lifestyle, it's a major red flag.

You deserve someone who values you and those around them. Pay attention to how they speak about their exes or friends; if it's negative, it might foreshadow how they'll treat you.

Trust your instincts—if their words make you uncomfortable, it's worth reconsidering the connection. Intimacy thrives on kindness and respect.

Inconsistency in Stories

Inconsistency in stories can raise significant concerns on a first date. If your date keeps changing details about their life, it can feel unsettling and make you question their honesty. You want to connect with someone genuine, not someone who's weaving a web of lies.

Pay attention to these red flags:

• They tell different versions of the same event.
• Their timeline of past relationships doesn't add up.
• They contradict themselves about their job or hobbies.
• They seem evasive when discussing personal experiences.

Trust your instincts; if something feels off, it probably is. A solid foundation for intimacy comes from honesty, and inconsistency can shatter that potential before it even begins.

Too Much Too Soon

Sometimes, a date can feel overwhelmingly intense, especially when someone shares too much too soon. You might find yourself hearing about their deepest fears, past traumas, or future plans within minutes of meeting.

While vulnerability can foster intimacy, oversharing can create an uncomfortable pressure. It's essential to pace the emotional exchange; relationships take time to build.

If your date dives into heavy topics without a natural flow, it may signal insecurity or an urgent need for connection that's not healthy. Trust your instincts—if it feels overwhelming, it's okay to pull back.

Healthy relationships develop gradually, allowing both partners to feel safe and cherished. Keep the conversation light and enjoyable, and save the heavier topics for later, when you're both ready.

Avoiding Personal Questions

On a first date, steering clear of overly personal questions can help maintain a relaxed atmosphere.

You want to create a connection without overwhelming your date. Focus on light-hearted topics that spark joy and laughter.

Consider avoiding questions like:

• "What's your biggest fear?"
• "Why did your last relationship end?"
• "Do you want kids someday?"
• "What's your salary?"

Substance Abuse Issues

Substance abuse issues can be major red flags on a first date. If your date's behavior seems off—like excessive drinking or erratic mood swings—it may signal deeper problems. Pay attention to how they talk about substances; dismissive or defensive attitudes can indicate unhealthy coping mechanisms. Here's a quick guide to help you spot potential issues:

Lack of Future Plans

When you're getting to know someone on a first date, a lack of future plans can be a significant red flag. If they seem indifferent about what's next or avoid discussing future aspirations, it might signal a deeper issue.

You want someone who envisions a shared journey with you, not just a fleeting moment. Here are some signs to watch for:

• They dodge questions about future goals.
• They've no hobbies or interests beyond the present.
• They dismiss the idea of long-term relationships.
• They seem unmotivated in their career or personal life.

If you find yourself questioning their vision for the future, it's worth considering whether this connection is right for you.

Intimacy thrives on shared dreams and goals.

Final Thoughts

Trust your instincts when you notice red flags on a first date. If someone exhibits controlling behavior, negativity, or a lack of respect, it's a sign to reconsider the connection. Remember, a healthy relationship thrives on mutual respect and understanding. Don't ignore your feelings; they're crucial in guiding you toward a better match. If you spot these warning signs, it might be time to run and seek someone who values you and your boundaries.